Cancer Survivors

Throughout most of my life, I had never known anyone dealing with cancer or at least talked about it with others. It was not discussed at the lunch or dinner table when the family got together to share other stories. I can remember one of my mom’s older sisters who was referred to as Aunt Lala. She was the oddest person and never made any sense to us children. We would often make fun of her behind closed doors. Her memory was horrible, and I can remember my mother saying that she had the dropsy that affected her overall health. We children had no idea of the meaning. Later I learned that Dropsy was a term used to describe generalised swelling and was synonymous with heart failure. Treatment options at that time were scanty. Often, while eavesdropping on our aunts and uncles, we kept hearing the words senile or crazy. None of us understood the meaning of either term being used to describe Aunt Lala. We loved her. Today, her symptoms match the term, dementia, or Alzheimer’s Disease.

The first time I heard of cancer was in 2020 when my best friend informed me that he had been diagnosed with prostate cancer. I was bewildered by the news and had to rush to the library to learn more about all the different cancers that could change our lives. After living through the HIV/AIDS crisis, I was horrified by what the future may hold for each of us. My friend kept a positive attitude, and the cancer was caught at an early stage. He survived and is still around teasing me and making me laugh with many funny stories.

In 2004, another friend was diagnosed with primary central nervous system (CNS) lymphoma which was brain cancer. It turned his life upside down, forcing him to stop working in the field of financial investments. Initially, he remembers suffering from deep, dull headaches behind his right eye that persisted without any relief for over a month. He then started to lose sensation on the right side of his face, facial muscle weakness, and finally visual problems in the right eye. He chose to have chemotherapy treatments in hopes of getting well. His MRI scan showed that the chemo regiment was shrinking the tumour. It was later discovered that the cancer cells broke away from the primary tumour and started to spread and invade the sphenoid bone. At that time his physician recommended using radiation therapy. My friend recovered and survived successfully and still makes me laugh.

In 2001, my partner was diagnosed with throat cancer. The treatment of radiation failed, however, when the cancer returned to the same area of the body, his doctor recommended the removal of the voice box. That was 20 years ago, and they survived the dramatic ordeal.

Cancer survivors often undergo profound shifts in their views on life and death, influenced by their experiences with illness, treatment, and recovery. Here are some common changes in perspective that cancer survivors may undergo:

• Increased Appreciation for Life: Having faced mortality, many survivors develop a deep appreciation for life and its everyday experiences. They may prioritize relationships, personal growth, and meaningful activities.
• Resilience and Strength: Surviving cancer can cultivate inner strength and resilience. Many survivors discover a newfound sense of courage and determination that helps them face future challenges, including the prospect of death.
• Re-evaluation of Priorities: The experience of battling cancer often leads survivors to reassess their priorities. They may let go of trivial concerns and focus on what truly matters to them, such as family, purpose, and spiritual beliefs.
• Reduced Fear of Death: After confronting mortality, some survivors report feeling less fearful of death. This can stem from a greater acceptance of life’s impermanence and a shift in perspective toward viewing death as a natural part of existence.
• Increased Empathy: Having experienced significant challenges themselves, cancer survivors often become more empathetic towards others facing illness or adversity. This can lead to greater compassion and a desire to support others.
• Mindfulness and Presence: Survivors may embrace practices like mindfulness and living in the present moment. This helps them savour each day and find joy in simple experiences.
• Advocacy and Giving Back: Many cancer survivors become advocates for cancer awareness, research, or support. They may choose to give back to their communities or help others going through similar struggles.

The more I learned about this disease, the more people in my circle came forward and shared information. Many of my female friends were being diagnosed with cancer. Breast cancer is the most common cancer in women other than skin cancer. It occurs in the breast cells and could spread to the lymph nodes under the arms. Other cancers that often impact the lives of women are lung, uterine, ovarian, vaginal, pancreas, colon, and rectum. My sister was diagnosed with lung cancer several years ago which confused us all at the time because she never smoked tobacco in her entire life. We believed that smoking cigarettes for many years could cause lung cancer. We later learned the information was not completely true.

In May 2023, feeling like I was at the height of living my life to the fullest, I received a diagnosis of prostate cancer after many medical exams, MRIs, and other body scans. Initially, I didn’t want to believe what I was being told because I felt great and was full of energy. I spent lots of time speaking to friends and strangers about cancer to learn about the various treatments that were available for me to experience. I was told of a few treatments that could make me well. It was difficult for an older man like me to hear the possibilities. My doctors told me that I had an option as to the types of treatment I wanted to try, or I could do nothing at all and just give up. Well, I was not ready to give up that easily without a fight. My oncologist told me of the following treatments to be considered:

1. Radiation or Removal of the Prostate through surgery was the initial option. The chance of one’s cancer spreading is very low. Both treatments have side effects, such as bladder, bowel, and erection problems. Radiation therapy, according to research papers, is more likely to cause bowel problems.
2. Chemotherapy. Using special drugs to shrink or kill the cancer after it has spread to other parts of the body. Chemotherapy is the use of drugs to destroy cancer cells, usually by keeping the cancer cells from growing, dividing, and making more cells.
3. Cryotherapy. Placing a special probe inside or near the prostate cancer to freeze and kill the cancer cells.
4. Hormone Therapy. Female hormones were injected into my stomach for roughly six months. The hormones were designed to reduce or eliminate my male testosterone. It worked, but even today, six months later, I still have pain in my stomach area and knots where the needles were inserted. A female friend of mine was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, and they are using male hormones on her. Together, we laughed about what it could feel like to get hormones that could change your life.

The female hormone injections under the skin in my stomach area were the worst for me and I regretted agreeing to do it after the first dose. It was guaranteed that the shots would kill the cancer and reduce the male testosterone in my body which it did. The side effects will never be forgotten as long as I live. Finally, I got to see what most women go through during menopause. Yep, that’s correct, I started to go through 6 months of intense menopause making it difficult to sleep more than 3 hours per night. It also came with intense hot flashes or flushes that occurred every 10 to 15 minutes, whether awake or asleep. Most of my time was spent with a rag around my head to catch the sweat. My backpack was always full of dry hand towels to catch all the dripping. Friends started calling me funny names and we all laughed together. Probably the most surprising part was the excessive weight gain in the stomach area with lots of back fat. During my entire life, I have never been more than 115 or 120 pounds or 52 to 54 kilograms. Every time I looked in the mirror I started to cry once I realised the frightening person looking back at me in the mirror was me. None of my clothes, pants, shirts, or sweaters/jumpers no longer fit. Almost a year since my diagnosis and I am still unable to fit any of my clothes. Many times, I considered ending it all, mostly from exhaustion and anger, but I kept pushing myself to see this illness to the end, regardless of the outcome.

Being a curious man and boy my entire life, I started to ask lots of questions and conduct research on prostate cancer and African American men which kept me quite busy most days and evenings. I learned that Black men get and die from prostate cancer at a higher rate than other races. For the past 20+ years, I have tried pushing medical facilities and public health departments across America to get honest health information to communities of colour or their priority audiences. You can imagine how my many recommendations were ignored while I watched people who looked like me die from many different illnesses. It started with HIV/AIDS in the mid-’80s, COVID-19 in 2020, and every type of cancer. Black or African American men should be screened for prostate cancer more proactively to help discover if anything odd is happening in the body. Like many diseases, cancer does not discriminate, except when it does.

Prostate cancer takes a harsher toll on Black men than other American men, including other men of colour. I was surprised to learn that Black men are 50 to 70% more likely to develop prostate cancer in their lifetime and twice as likely to die from the disease. A few items that can increase the risk and worsen the outcome include age, family history, smoking, limited physical activity, and obesity. It’s wise to remember that healthcare may not be available for many people of colour to access and achieve the results they may have hoped for. Years of research have revealed that racial discrimination continues to exist in most facilities. Every day, people of colour are not treated equally in medical facilities when seeking care, schools/universities, fair housing for renting or trying to purchase property, banks refusing to provide adequate loans to certain people, or finding a job without discrimination. I also discovered that all of these are even worse for a Black woman or any woman of colour. It still upsets and saddens me how people of colour, especially Black men are treated after receiving a diagnosis. I am very fortunate to have received my diagnosis in Australia where I was counselled and treated with excellent care and support. I wonder every day if I would have been examined, diagnosed, and cared for in America — but I doubt it, I would be dead for sure.

Over the past year, women were my biggest supporters who shared so many stories about how their lives changed once menopause hit. They had my full attention as I kept asking many questions. My main question was why don’t women share this type of information with men? Almost like it was planned, all the women burst into laughter for 3 to 5 minutes. Of course, I looked confused. Then they explained it all to me like my mother would do when I was a little boy. They said, “Most men don’t want to know any of this information.” In a previous profession, I worked as a massage therapist, a job that I loved. During those years I learned that women were much stronger than men because they would ask for more pressure. When asked why, they all said, “Honey, when you deliver a baby, there is no pain that’s too great.” It all clicked and made sense to me. Many of the women shared ways they used to reduce day and night sweats, weight gain, and fatigue. It’s no surprise to me that women have always been my sheroes.

Al Roker, a well-known African American weather presenter, journalist, television personality, and author was diagnosed with prostate cancer several years ago. He is the current weather anchor on NBC’s Today, and occasionally co-hosts 3rd Hour Today. Roker became a hero for many Black men as he stepped forward to share information. He urges Black men to take charge of their health, including prostate health, since many are likely to develop it and twice as likely to die from it. Check out Roker’s video message to Black men about their health.

For me, 2023 was the toughest year of my life. I have never felt so much pain. Several times I wanted to throw in the blanket or just give up on life, but I was raised to be a survivor so I just kept pushing. The hot flashes/flushes were like sitting in a hot steam sauna 24 hours a day without a break. Sleeping no longer existed for about 6 months, leading to total exhaustion. My treatment also had a strange effect on my mental state of mind, remembering things, no matter how hard I tried, and feeling invisible and unheard. The side effects made me feel like I was on the verge of dementia. My oncologist said that I would become very emotional, grumpy, and easily agitated from the hormone treatments. Odd coincidences kept happening like the growth of the hair on my head — I had to cut it twice per week. Also rapid-growing body hair and fingernails. One friend said that I looked like I was growing breasts. The worse feeling was no desire for any of my favourite foods. I learned to force myself to eat, only when I felt weak or faint. For me, the best part of surviving prostate cancer is my lack of putting up with bullshit from others. Now is the time to find my true self, joy, and happiness. It’s something I must do for myself. There are a few things that helped me to survive:

• True friends, no matter how near or far surrounded me with lots of love and laughter.
• Meditation & staying in the present.
• Exercising with weights and walking as much as possible.
• Writing helped to take my mind away from the pain. I am in the process of writing a memoir, a children’s book, and of course, a murder mystery.
• Kindness. It helped me to be kind to people, whether I knew them or not.
• Reminding myself to start living life to the fullest and to enjoy each day like it is the last one I may see.

To all cancer survivors, your journey is a testament to your strength, resilience, and unwavering courage. As survivors, you have faced challenges head-on, navigating through difficult treatments, uncertainties, and emotional roller coasters. Yet, through it all, you have emerged victorious, embodying hope and inspiration for others. Remember, you are not defined by your diagnosis but by your remarkable spirit and determination to thrive. Take pride in how far you’ve come and the battles you’ve conquered. Embrace each day with gratitude and a renewed sense of purpose. Surround yourself with love, support, and positivity as you continue to write the next chapters of your life’s story. We are warriors, champs, survivors, and beacons of light, shining brightly for others to follow.