Learning Responsibility
Throughout my entire life people would tell me to be more responsible without explaining exactly what it means to take responsibility for anything. It’s almost like when you say ‘how are you’ to someone, but never expect to get an answer. Even those being asked will usually just smile or nod their head and keep walking. Working as a contractor and consultant most of my life, taking responsibility in business just feels like the right thing to do, although often there are reports of CEOs and managers that violate their positions. However, on a personal level things can become vague, so I decided to take the time to learn a lesson in life about responsibility.
As a young boy growing up without a father, relatives and family friends would constantly tell my brother and me to stand up and be a man. Initially, we both looked confused and unclear at the message. I was only 6 years old, and my brother was 15 years old. The advice never stopped coming, but my brother taught me how to smile and nod my head to get the adults to believe that we understood them and would take responsibility, for what, we had no idea. At the age of 17 we all feared for our lives. In my family there was a rule that when children finished high school and turned 18, they would have to take responsibility for their own lives. There is that word again — responsibility. On each of our special birthdates we each received a gift of one suitcase to start packing our belongings and figure out next steps. Have you ever been pushed to decide about your life at a young age? It can be rather terrifying like when you hear the music from the film, Halloween. As can be imagined, we all made many mistakes repeatedly in our struggle to become responsible.
What does it mean to take responsibility in life? Taking responsibility means acknowledging and accepting accountability for one’s actions, decisions, and their consequences, whether positive or negative. It involves being honest about your role in a situation and being willing to face the outcomes, both good and bad. To be honest, I had no idea about making the best decisions, since I had no experience at being responsible. Teaching a young child to take responsibility for their decisions is not easy, but a gradual process that involves guidance, support, and consistent reinforcement. Lessons in life have taught me some key strategies to help a child learn such an important life skill. Here are a few ideas:
Model Responsible Behaviour
Lead by example — Children learn a lot by observing their parents, other adults, or their older brother or sister. As adults we must show responsible behaviour in our actions and decision-making processes.
Explain our decisions — When making decisions, explain the thought process and the reasons behind our choices.
Encourage Independence
Offer Choices — Give children age-appropriate choices to make. Start with simple decisions, like choosing between two snacks or selecting a book to read.
Gradually Increase Responsibility — As children grow, increase the complexity of the choices they can make, such as managing their time or taking on small household chores. I am not sure if children still do chores, but my mother was very strict in making sure that my sibling and I did our tasks correctly or we suffered the price.
Teach Consequences
Natural Consequences — Allow children to experience the natural consequences of their decisions when safe to do so. For example, if they forget their homework, they might face consequences at school, such as detention or being grounded by their parents without use of their mobile device, iPad, or computer. Also not allowing them to watch their favourite television shows until they understand the situation.
Discussion of Outcomes — Talk about the outcomes of their choices, both positive and negative ones. Hopefully, parents can help their children understand how their actions can lead to certain results.
Provide Guidance and Support
Be a Mentor — Guide children through decision-making processes without taking over. Carefully, ask questions that may prompt them to think critically about their choices. It may give young people an opportunity to reconsider their choices and how things may be different if other choices were considered.
Offer Support — Be there to support them when they make mistakes, and they will. Help them to learn from errors rather than punishing them harshly.
Set Clear Expectations
Establish Rules — Set clear and consistent rules and explain the reasons behind them. Everyone, but especially children, need to understand what is expected of them. Often in relationships we don’t say what we expect of each other until it’s often too late.
Be Consistent — Consistency in enforcing rules and consequences helps us all to understand the importance of responsibility.
Problem Solving Skills
Brainstorm Solutions — When faced with a problem, encourage brainstorming potential solutions and evaluate the pros and cons of each.
Decision Making — Provide the opportunity to practice making decisions in low-stake situations to build confidence.
Celebrate
Responsible Behaviour — Always praise and acknowledge when someone makes responsible decisions. Positive reinforcement can help to continue acting responsibly.
Reward Systems — Consider using a reward system for children to reinforce responsible behaviour.
Demonstrate Self-Reflection
Reflect on Decisions — Encourage children to reflect on their own decisions and the outcomes. Ask questions like, “What did you learn from this?” or “How would you do things differently next time?
Journaling — For teenagers or those approaching teen years, journaling can be a useful technique for self-reflection and understanding their decision-making processes.
As a young boy, I believed that my mother was too tough on me and my siblings. There was very little that we were able to get away with before the leather belt would make an appearance and reintroduce itself to our rear ends one more time. She outlined chores and household tasks for each of us to show that we had responsibilities at home. In detail, she explained the importance of our contribution to the household. Being a clever boy, I convinced my friends to help me to complete my chores so we would have time to play outside although it was against the rules. My tasks included washing dishes, even though I had to stand on a step stool to reach the sink, cleaning the kitchen floor and vacuuming the living room. To make things worse, I was responsible for cooking a pot of rice every day as part of our dinner. My brother and sister, probably because they were older, had to mow the lawn, pull up weeds in the garden, and wash clothes. Early in our lives we were taught how to iron our clothes, including towels and sheets which I never understood the reason why. I made the mistake once and asked my mom whyboys have to do the work of women. To this day, I am not sure how long I was out of it from her back hand to my head. I never asked it again. She simply explained to each of us that boys and men must learn how to cook, clean, iron, make beds, and sew to take care of themselves in case there is no wife. I looked at my brother and kept my mouth closed. He smiled and later gave me a tootsie roll as my reward for being silent.
Completing our homework for school had to be done as soon as all the chores were finished. I loved this part because my brother helped me and my friends with our math problems. We also learned how to act in social settings, such as apologising when and if we hurt someone or standing up for our friends or for those that were constantly bullied. This was my favourite request, and we took it to the extreme and were in fights almost every day at school if someone was being harassed for being too dark, overweight, or not considered to be smart or good looking. Mom would also take us for walks around our neighbourhood or to the grocery store to observe our manners and respect for others. We learned when to say thank you, excuse me, or I am sorry. We also learned to respect our elders and to give up our seats when riding on public transportation to anyone that needed it. It was mandatory that we always said hello, good morning, or good evening to people we may not know. We also had to say hello if we walked into a room with people. Now I realise that we were taught critical thinking skills. Critical thinking is a kind of thinking in which you question, analyse, interpret, evaluate, and make a judgement about what you read, hear, say or write.
Lessons in life remind me that my mother was a great woman that created who I am today, and I am grateful. She is truly missed. What lessons did your mother or father teach you that you relate to today?
