Rudeness is Contagious

My favourite game in life is running errands or sitting in my neighbourhood coffee shop enjoying a café mocha and a croissant watching the rudeness of people who have no idea they are being rude. You may have witnessed a few of the incidents that I will share, or you may recognise yourself behaving in such a way. The best part is listening and struggling not to laugh out loud. Just in one week, these are a few of the encounters I have watched. It’s key to have no expression on your face during their performance. The best part about COVID-19 is having a mask so others can’t hear you say, “Shut the fuck up”.

One of the most annoying things to me is the relationship that people have with their mobile devices. We expect it from teens, but all ages seem to be possessed by their phones. While in a coffee shop this week enjoying the atmosphere, there was a woman that wanted all of the customers to know that she was important. It didn’t matter where you were in the shop because she was yelling how great she was at doing whatever job she was supposed to be doing. The talking was so loud, people on the other end of the restaurant were looking with twisted faces. Did the big mouth talker lower her voice or pick up the message that she was annoying? Absolutely not, she kept making one call after another, sounding more and more like an idiot. I couldn’t help thinking that it would be easier to conduct those calls from home.

I had to restraint myself from screaming with laugher. Then I started to play a game with myself to see how much information I could gather from a rude person in case you wanted to kill them later. In all the screaming, I learned her address, her marital status, her search for a good man (good luck with that one), all about the work she was doing, the type of car she drives, who she recently broke up with and how much money she made. Initially I thought it would make a great murder mystery, but later decided, the story would be too boring. This happens all time and everywhere.

Screaming at your cell phone and telling all of your business is rude. No one wants to hear your entire conversation; we’re really not interested. Usually, I will move to another table, but sometimes it’s just fun to watch and listen. Just in case its news to you, being discreet is a great skill to possess. Yelling on mobile devices is rude when you are in a closed space like public transportation, a restaurant, in a bar, walking for exercise, at a concert, at the movies, shopping for food, driving while glued to your phone screen, in a library, at a jazz club or in a medical center waiting for care. I wish that more places had zero tolerance for mobile devices.

I love watching the way pet owners drag their little dogs around who are simply trying to take a piss or sniff the grass. The owners are not really taking the dogs for a walk but taking their mobile phones out for a walk. Often the dogs are choking from being dragged. How great would it be to be the pet of a person that has a pet mobile device that’s more important than the pet they couldn’t wait to own. Besides being rude, it’s also rather cruel. Since we are on the topic of pet owners, why own a pet if you won’t pick up their poop when dropped in front of someone’s home? I could be wrong, but I believe that having a dog means you walk them and pick up their crap. There are plastic bags everyone and trash cans to put it in, but so many people prefer to leave it wherever it drops. It tells you a lot about the pet owner, doesn’t it? It’s actually rude and grotesque.

While shopping today in a great book shop with beautiful candles, scents, lotions, and meditation apparel, all the customers were enjoying the calming music. The place was quite busy, and one man wandered in and asked if the owner was in the store because he wanted to know if he could get a discount. He said he was a friend of the owner. The two staff people looked at each other, rather annoyed and said, “No, they are not in today.” Instead of saying thank you and moving on, he wanted to tell them about the discounts that he gets. He didn’t purchase anything, but everyone waiting in line to pay for their products were annoyed. His lack of awareness was insensitive to everyone that had to listen to his shouting, as well as to the staff people trying to take care of customers. When he left the store, we all clapped and cheered. He would be horrified to think that he was being rude. He wanted everyone to know that he was important, but I didn’t believe that he was friends with the owner at all. Besides, it would be rude to expect a discount when you are buying nothing.

As a young child, my parents taught me to always respect elders or those in the ageing community. At the time I didn’t understand the importance of doing so, but as I grew up, I appreciate all of those lessons. They included holding the door open for someone entering or exiting behind you, always giving up your seat on public transportation for an older person that may be standing or to a pregnant woman or someone with a disability. Just today, two young adults were helping their old mother or grandmother get back to the car from having a nice lunch. The old woman was struggling to walk. The area was packed with walkers and customers, and no one would allow the couple to get through with the older woman. I saw the struggle and immediately stopped in my tracks to let them get by safely. The daughter looked at me and smiled as she whispered the words “Thank you, so much”. That’s when I knew I had done the right thing. I am hoping the younger generation will grow up with more manners and will be able to learn the two most difficult words of our times, “Thank you and Please”. Those words are hardly uttered anymore and when they are, watch the faces of the people providing you with great service because it will get better and better each time because they know you appreciated them.

In our local grocery store, people who cut in line are the rudest. Although most people just look at them and allow them to get by with it, but I like to call it to their attention and everyone else’s attention. I usually will say with a smile, “Excuse me, you may not have noticed but there are 5 people standing in the line that you are trying to jump into”. They always look shocked and respond with oh, I didn’t know you were waiting in line. A smile is all they get because that’s bullshit. Rude people always know when they are trying to cut in line. Skipping others in line shows that you think you are better than everyone else and that waiting is below you. In reality, everyone has to wait. That’s just life.

Driving around the city, even as a passenger annoys me to the max to see how aggressive people are on the road. It wouldn’t hurt anyone to learn the rules of merging traffic, but maybe that’s not being taught anymore in driver education classes. Now, I just pretend I am somewhere else and take the necessary precautions to save myself and my friends. So many people are aggressive behind the wheel of their cars. By the way, it’s called rudeness. Do you ever see someone driving fast to cut in front of another car then ride their brakes the entire time? Wouldn’t it be easier just to get behind the car instead cutting in and almost causing an accident? There must be something about not getting behind a car when I can cut them off. I suppose it must be a good feeling, but it that of rudeness to me. Time has taught me to have no expectations that someone will perform in a well-mannered way. It reduces the stress when you simply smile and think pleasant thoughts.

There is more to rude behavior than just everyday frustration. Many factors influence a person’s inclination to be rude, including having an impatient disposition, being in a hurry, or feeling like no one cares about what they feel or say. That said, rude behaviour all boils down to one thing: People who are rude generally don’t care about other people.

Rudeness can be contagious, and we must identify it immediately so that it’s not passed on to the next person that you encounter. Holding on to any of the feelings felt can be toxic as you move through your day. A good example is how a person may feel getting on an elevator with others after a rude encounter or after being yelled at while driving to work or home. It’s difficult not to take out the emotion on the next person that we may see. We can all relate to the fact that leaving the office in a bad mood makes it that much tougher to arrive home in a good one.

Interrupting the cycle of rudeness starts with being nicer to others. Here are a few things we can try doing to stop the rudeness virus:

1. Acknowledge people and express appreciation.
2. Don’t let rude behaviour consume you.
3. Avoid rude people or limit your time with them, especially if you work together.
4. Be aware of how your behaviour may affect others.
5. Apologise if you find yourself being rude to another person.
6. Smile! You will be amazed at how a simple, authentic smile can go a long way in counteracting rudeness.

At least once each day, plan on showing kindness to at least one person. It will change their outlook and also yours.